Monkeyshines

Are Violent Video Games Adequately Preparing Children For The Apocalypse?

Being a huge fan of Back to the Future, I found this to be quite hilarious. I found it on nerdist.com

Dear Marty-

Having recently reviewed the surveillance footage of the events of the night you went back to 1985, I couldn’t help but be slightly taken aback by your spurious reasoning of only allowing TEN FUCKING MINUTES to SAVE MY GODDAMN LIFE. Ten minutes??? Really. You actually thought that you could get from the Courthouse to Twin Pines Mall (I’m sorry, I mean LONE Pine Mall now–way to run over a tree, fucknut) in ten minutes. What the fuck did you think that could accomplish? What were you going to do? Vanquish the Libyans with your shortness? Yeah, I said it. YOU’RE TINY. Like Ratatouille (2008 reference), but in a puffy vest . Listen, you little feathered-haired leprechaun, any one of these Hill Valley MOUTH-BREATHERS would have had the good sense to go back, oh I don’t know, AT LEAST A DAY to give me time to prepare for the Middle East extremists and their Summer of Love van of fucking DEATH, what with having a device that has mastered the dimension of TIME and all. And I’m INCLUDING Biff in that group. You are goddamn lucky that I have a compulsive disorder when it comes to taping paper back together. Otherwise you’d have been as useless as Einstein with a Vernier caliper. Mark my words, Stuart Little, as SOON as I get this DeLorean up and running again (thanks for turning my car into a fucking lightning rod, BTW) I SWEAR I am going to go back and convince Jennifer to dump your Hobbit ass so you can go on that dumbshit camping trip ALONE with nothing to do but jam your little meerkat penis into that extra sleeping bag in the back of your gaywad new truck. Then I’m going to fuck her into tomorrow…LITERALLY. How long am I going to tap that skinny bitch? “Ten minutes oughta do it!” You vapid douche.

Thanks for watching me get shot twice,

PS - You’re a fucking CHICKEN.

From BBC News:

"An 18-year-old has secretly painted a 60ft drawing of a phallus on the roof of his parents' £1million mansion in Berkshire. It was there for a year before his parents found out. They say he'll have to scrub it off when he gets back from travelling."

Are you kidding me, Rory McKinnes? You paint a penis on your parents house? Why not a set of breasts or maybe a vajayjay? Actually, nevermind, a penis is pretty funny. You know, in a 6th grade-passing-notes-in-class-kind-of-way.

I really don't know what to think of this. On one hand it could be a trainwreck of epic proportions that would actually be entertaining to watch. But my common sense tells me that it will just be embarrassingly bad.



There is at least two legit wrestlers in this video that I recognize: Lacey Von Erich and Daizee Haze (who is not one of the featured characters) These gimmicks set wrestling back 25 years and don't do much to help the stereotype that women wrestlers are just T & A.

For your birthday I got the thing you enjoy most of all... Pain!



I am always amazed that the kicker doesn't get injured more. Seeing this immediately made me think of a similar injury in my favorite pugilistic sport:



Ouch, Sid. Just, ouch. Everyone knows big men aren't supposed to go high. After watching Sid break his foot off, I wanted to find an unfortunate painful incident involving an actual good wrestler. I then remembered this horrifying accident:



The best (or worst) part of this is when Keiji Mutoh grabs his ankle! What the hell were you thinking Mutoh? Thank god he didn't throw on an ankle lock, he very well could have pulled Liger's foot straight off.

This post has been in honor of Jason Vorhees, because everyone knows he celebrates his birthday every Friday the 13th. Happy Birthday, Jason!